Revision Plan

Over the course of the semester, we have encountered various assignments that would help with the creation of our portfolio. In all honesty every single paper that I have done this semester could use work. There are some papers that are better than the others but; everything can always get a little bit better.  I'm afraid to listen to professor bailey's comments after he grades the work because although he has to be brutally honest in order for us to be able to expand, I feel as if I'm being chewed up and spit out. I know a lot of people who can agree with that statement so I hope that my portfolio reforms everything perfectly so that the audio comments won't be extremely harsh.

The draft of the source review needs the most attention and work. The source review happened to be the first assignment in the class so there was a matter of getting into the idea of what was expected. I thought about the audience and how to grab their attention with it but, I will probably have to break down the whole segment. Fragmentation appeared a lot throughout the draft which I will have to work on. Another problem that I believe everyone encounters while writing a paper is expansion.  Expansion of the paper once my immediate thoughts and opinions are explained, I feel as I begin babbling.  Professor Bailey felt as if I wasn't sure what he was asking for in the paper and that was correct. Some comments from my peer reviews were concerning that I engaged the reader and got their attention.

However, the beginning confused just about everyone who read it and now as I look back it sounds erratic.  The entire first paragraph "Free! The best things in life are free. Who doesn't love getting free things? The word easy appeals to the eyes and ears also. Welcome to the good life. There is an FREE and EASY way out from having to do your own citations for a paper" will be taken down and rebuilt into something that makes sense. It just appears to be random and that's not a great way to begin a paper. The peer reviews for this paper happened to be the best in my opinion. There was more detail involved in what they liked about the paper and what they thought could use work.

I felt most confident with my genre group draft but it could still use a little work. Although I received a great grade the last paragraph could use work and revision.  It's a great example of me babbling after producing my initial point. I feel as if in the last paragraph "A philosophy grant proposal has to work with argument reconstruction. Example of argument reconstruction: He finds that whenever we consider a murder itself, all we see are the "passions, motives, volitions, and thoughts" of the people involved. For example, we might see that the murderer feels the passion of anger and is motivated by a desire to make his victim suffer, and that the victim feels the passion of fear and is thinking about how to escape. But no matter how hard we look, we don't see "viciousness" or wrongness-we see an action taking place, and people with motives and feelings are involved in that action, but none of these things seem to be what we mean by "viciousness" or wrongness" that my example of a grant proposal can be better explained and shown. That will probably be the first thing for me to start on. UNC. edu provides an excellent handout on how the grant proposal works. The GrantSource Library can be another useful help site for my example of a grant proposal. Speaking on the resource will help add expansion to the paper so; I can explore that area of the paper more.

My thesis statement for my news team draft needs to be worked on. My first paragraph states "Society depicts a desirable lifestyle for prominent music artists. In the light of the public the portrayal of the inner depth of an artist through their music leaves them adored by their audience. Musician's fans can be counted on through the thick and thin depending on how bad a situation for the artist is. A few mistakes can completely take over an artists' credibility. Elbert Hubbard stated "To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing", however this cannot account for that of a composer. The music an artist creates has an image behind it. Like a shattered mirror or a ripple in the water, the image that an artist creates can be distorted with an indictment.  Rapper TI's career shows a motion of redemption throughout the past tribulations he's encountered with his music, family, and various aspects of life" with no clear thesis. I just couldn't figure out exactly what direction I wanted to go with on my thesis. Now I know I can mix two different genres together so it can make more sense. My paper involves the genres commentary and profile so, it got a little complicated. I plan to do a segment on the commentary on my presentation which is why it goes in and out of the profile.

In all honesty a lot of papers are just going horribly in my opinion. I seem to have a rough time adjusting to active voice versus passive voice so I went to Grammar Girl for help. When I use passive voice I seem to sound unnatural and thats not how I want my paper to be read. Hopefully, with hep from Grammar Girl and the Writing Center I will be able to fix this problem.

Citation:

"Active Voice Versus Passive Voice : Grammar Girl :: Quick and Dirty Tips^TM."Grammar Girl :: Quick and Dirty Tips ^TM. Web. 29 Oct. 2010.      <http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/active-voice-versus-passive-voice.aspx>.